


eve

by yuminpa



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Dark Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, M/M, Referenced Suicide Attempt, but eh, i say Gay!!!!!!, implied suicidal thoughts, pretty gay but they don't know that. they have no idea what their bond is right now, theyre like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22670872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuminpa/pseuds/yuminpa
Summary: the last night he thought he'd ever witness.
Relationships: The Conductor/DJ Grooves (A Hat in Time)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 88





	eve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the TCT](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+TCT).



> arright before we kick this fic off.  
> this is baaaaaaasically a prequel to my first work, necktie. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read that before you read this, or if you want chronological order, read this, necktie and then 'tipsy' by me. :)
> 
> also read gone by storybook_rift if you haven't because uh that goes really in depth into what happens after tipsy……read that or i eat your toes!! READ TCT (me, storybook_rift and blizzardz_uwu) STORIES OR I EAT YOUR TOES
> 
> thank you for reading this, honestly. necktie means a lot to me. i love you

Silence. 

The only thing the Conductor could hear was the faint sound of buzzing cicadas coming from everywhere, all around him. 

He was sitting on the doorstep of Dead Bird Studio in front of the entrance, his blazer off in the reception where he couldn't reach it.

It was hot, after all, and two layers of long sleeved clothes really didn't help. 

One less layer was okay.  _ And besides, even if somebody saw the horrendously deep scars engraved into his arms, they wouldn't be able to be sure of what they were because of how dark it was—... _

The studio was closed, and had been for hours. 

It was night, after all. The studio had closed three or so hours ago, but Conductor was still there.

Why?

He was looking around. Observing every single thing he came across and burning it all into his memory, every last thing;  _ because tomorrow, he wouldn't be able to _ . 

He had plans. 

Plans to rid himself from the earth. Plans to make everything better for everyone. 

Plans he would act on  _ tomorrow _ . 

So, he had to take in every single thing he saw before he went through with it. 

He knew exactly how it was going to go down: after the upcoming busy day of recording, he would make his way to one of his storage rooms, and take off his tie. 

It would be used as a noose; tied around a metal beam hanging in the storage room, and then he would hang from it, and then he would  _ die.  _

And then everyone would be happy. 

He was happy right now, actually. Ecstatic, even, the faint smile on his face never dwindling. 

Finally having the guts to go through with it yet again after Train Rush’s inevitable failure; having the plan in his head, and finally being able to go through with it with no regrets made him swear he was the happiest owl on this godforsaken earth. 

But he was also rather melancholy; he loved the studios. He never said that, but he did. 

He loved this job, although he always took it for granted and did nothing but yell and scream and shout until now. 

He loved being alone and watching the purple starry night sky like this. But he never realised that until now. 

And he was leaving them all. 

A small voice in the back of his mind told him that  _ it wasn't over yet! He didn't have to leave everything! He could still live his life! _

But he did. He  _ did  _ have to leave everything behind. 

Why?

Because he truly, truly believed he was an absolutely awful person. The world would be better without awful people like him. 

He loved the world, he loved most of the birds he had met and loved the fact that he got to witness both his daughter and his grandchildren grow. He loved the fact that he could make movies and win awards for them, something that had been his dream since he was a child.

He also loved the fact that Grooves was here, and he was okay; but we don't talk about that. 

But he took it all for granted, swearing he never loved any of it. 

And this was his last full day on the earth.

He didn't have a choice but to leave as soon as he possibly could.

This was purely an act of selflessness. For him to stay just for his own benefit would be selfish. He was leaving so that everyone else had the chance to feel better without someone as pessimistic as him staying in their lives for his  _ own benefit.  _

He sighed, burying his head in his hands, hearing the faint buzzing cicadas yet again after his mind calmed down. 

The urge to start crying overpowered him, and he could feel his eyes well up with tears; but he refused.

Not today. Not tomorrow. Not  _ ever _ . 

He wasn't going to cry. 

He kept his head buried into his hands until the urge to cry left, and once it did, he resumed looking at the night sky. 

It looked better than usual; the bright white stars gleaming down onto the earth. 

He took his time to observe and look at every single one he could see. The more his eyes adjusted to the dark, the more stars he could start to see; so keeping count of them was difficult, but he managed. 

An emotion took over him. An emotion he could barely describe. 

Wonder, perhaps. 

His arms subconsciously folded and he started to hug himself, his hands tracing over the nasty scars on his arms. 

He winced; he didn't know he had even done that. It was a strange habit he had once he was alone and his thoughts consumed him, or were close to doing so.

He took his arms away, and sighed shakily.

He never knew he was doing the bizarre habit until he felt the outlines in his arms meet his hands; and then he stopped straight after. 

He wanted to go back inside. This wasn't wondrous anymore. 

But before he could even attempt to walk back into the studio, another sound joined in with the chorus of buzzing cicadas: an automatic door opening, and then a deep voice following straight after. 

“Conductor?”

Conductor’s eyes widened and he froze, incredibly startled; wanting to whisper every curse in the dictionary; but he wouldn't. 

He had a thin layer of dignity. 

He looked up to where the voice came from, and his strange fluctuating mood immediately faltered. He could've sworn he felt happy, too, but now it was just misery.

Apparently.

“DJ Grooves,” He replied to the voice, looking straight back down after realising who it was.

Grooves looked sort of confused to see Conductor sitting here, on the doorstep, with his blazer off; he never took that off. His voice never usually sounded so quiet, so shaky before. 

He tilted his head. 

“What are you doing here, darling?” Grooves eventually went to sit beside the Conductor on the same doorstep, looking at him. 

Conductor looked back down, now facing the floor. 

“Same goes for you, peck neck. What are  _ you  _ doin’ here?” 

He sounded nonchalant.

“You didn't answer my question, darling.” He chuckled, a smug grin on his face.

“Answer mine first, and  _ maybe  _ I'll answer yours.” Conductor scowled, his faint smile completely gone. 

Though he _was_ happy, that happiness had left slightly now that Grooves was here. 

Or so he thought. That's what he convinced himself to believe for all these years. 

Grooves sighed, looking up to the sky, a faint smile on his face now. “Alright, fine. I was doing overtime, I guess. Scriptwriting, I guess I could say that. Now answer my question: what are  _ you  _ doing? Because I would've known if you were doing overtime, too.”

Conductor nodded in understanding, and then he went silent.

He had done overtime to complete scripts before, only he stayed for  _ much _ longer than Grooves ever would. 

He remembered his last time: he ended up passing out in the middle of work, despite having multiple cups of coffee beforehand; and nobody knew until opening hours the next morning. 

It was rather humiliating; falling asleep on a paper full of ink that hadn't yet dried fully and waking up with scruffy mirrored handwriting imprinted onto your forehead was going to be embarrassing, surely. 

The only reason his movies were so good and always won the gold trophies is that he overworked himself to the point of pure exhaustion.

The one and only time he didn't win the gold trophy was when his daughter died.

He was too grief-stricken to even try. 

But that was in the past.  _ Everything was in the past.  _

“I was…just looking around.”

“At?”

“Everything,” He uttered, looking to the side, folding his arms and hiding them to the best of his ability. 

Conductor looked back when he realised Grooves had tilted his head after he heard the almost silent shuffling sound of clothes, and the penguin silently asked for clarification. Conductor only sighed, and looked away again. “I guess I just feel nostalgic.” His voice trailed off and was becoming way too quiet. 

After a moment of silence, Grooves noticed that the only car in the parking lot was his own. 

Usually, Conductor’s would be there, too. But this time, it wasn't. 

“Where's your car…?”

“Huh?” Once Conductor heard the question, his head perked up, and he was confused for a moment, his brow furrowed; but he looked at the sky yet again once he remembered. 

“Oh yeah…I took a taxi.”

“Ohhhh…okay.”

The two went silent yet again. Now they were both staring at the vast sky, both seeming perplexed by it. 

The unique stars appearing in all shapes and sizes amazed the duo, and slowly and without realising they both inched closer towards each other, both wanting some kind of intimacy. 

But this was stopped, and Grooves looked at the owl beside him.

“Should I take you home? I have time, and it saves you from paying for a taxi again, doesn't it?”

Conductor’s attention was immediately brought back to the Moon Penguin, and he looked at him in surprise, his ears perked up and twitching.

Grooves has made that offer to him before, to take him home; and it always surprised him when the penguin asked. 

But then he looked back down, his previously perked up ears now dropping again. 

He shook his head. “No,” he muttered, unknowingly inching closer. “It's fine.”

“Are you sure? Like I said, I have time, darling. and you live quite far away from here, don't you? You'd have to pay quite a bit for a taxi.” 

“No. It's okay, honest. Taxis are expensive but nothing aye can't manage.” Conductor muttered, his voice growing quieter and quieter as time went on. Grooves didn't think it was possible for such a loud mouthed, obnoxious owl to be so quiet like this. 

“If you insist, darling. Just tell me if you change your mind.”

“Mhm…”

  
  


Silence.

Once again, the only thing they could hear was the buzzing cicadas in the summer night.

Grooves slowly came to the fact that as time went on, the duo had been unknowingly inching closer to each other, so much so that their shoulders were dangerously close to touching. 

He furrowed his brow at the realisation that Conductor had been doing it, too. 

Slowly inching closer. 

Something he had never done before. 

Maybe he knew he was doing it, maybe he didn't; either way, it made Grooves happy, a faint smile spreading across his face. 

He discreetly placed his arm over Conductor’s shoulder, almost like a half hug; and the owl seemed to freeze up, letting out a noise similar to a gasp. 

Grooves resisted the urge to chuckle; he didn't want to break this silence. He only smiled.

Conductor was tense for a few moments, as if he didn’t expect or want this sudden touch. 

But soon, he calmed down. Ever so slightly, he calmed down and loosened. 

He wouldn't have reacted to it on any other normal day. He would've just continued staring down at nothing or up into the sky, at the stars, or perhaps he would've pushed Grooves away; but today wasn't normal. 

_ It's your last day on Earth, right? _

_ Just do it. Shoot your shot. Hug him back, react to what he's doing. Nobody gives a peck anymore.  _

_ You won't be here to do this all tomorrow, so might as well do it now, huh? Confess everything.  _

_ Ew. _

He shook his head ever so slightly at the thoughts that clouded his mind; and leaned into the touch. Grooves brought him closer, and Conductor’s head rested against his rival’s shoulder. 

  
  


Though he didn't want to call Grooves a rival anymore. He wanted to—

“Are you alright, darling?”

_ GH— PECK!  _

Conductor tensed. Again.

“Stop scaring me! I swear on me life I'm gonna whack yer with a crowbar someday!” The owl’s voice was dangerously close to a yell, and yet he was still whispering. 

_ Someday? _

_ This is your last full day. And you're definitely not gonna hit Grooves with a crowbar tomorrow, are you?  _

_ Think about what you say before saying it. For your own sake. _

Grooves started to laugh at the outburst. “No, you won't. Anyway, you didn't answer my question:  _ are you alright?  _ You're not usually so jumpy and quiet.”

Conductor seemed to freeze up at the mere question. The answer was that  _ no, he wasn't alright, not even in the slightest even if it looks like it _ and  _ he needed help before he lost everything including his own life _ but all he could let out was a feeble whisper. 

He couldn't let anyone know, right? His death would be his punishment and he deserved it, after all.

“I'm fine.” His voice went even quieter, and he folded his arms  _ tight _ , despite feeling the nasty scars on his arms. Grooves pulled him even closer. 

“You don't seem like it, darling. You're not acting like your usual self. When was the last time you actually whispered and let  _ anyone _ half-hug you?”

Conductor hadn’t realised how much he loved the half-hug, the sudden touch; until he noticed he had practically melted into it, snuggling closer to Grooves as he pulled him closer into the warm grip. 

Now that he thought about it; he  _ wasn't  _ acting normal. And he had a reason why.  _ But absolutely nobody needed or wanted to know that.  _

“Just ‘cause I actually let yer do this _just once_ does  _ not  _ mean I'm upset,” He muttered, his eyes narrowed, and he looked at nothing, while Grooves was staring at the sky, the stars; the moon.  _ Home.  _

Once he heard what Conductor said, though— he sighed. 

“I guess you're right. I just get worried about you, y’know?”

The owl scoffed. “Why?”

“You…” Grooves trailed off, now looking at the Conductor. He decided to ignore what looked like blatant ignorance. “Just do some worrying things sometimes.”

“Like what?”

“Two things. You overwork yourself too much, darling. Remember that time you passed out and an Express Owl found you in your storage room the next day,  _ still  _ fast asleep?”

The duo let out a slight chuckle at the memory. But Conductor’s smile quickly faltered, vanishing. 

“Yeah, but  _ you  _ overwork yerself, too. It's a given when ye work at a movie studio, right?”

“I do, but  _ I _ don't overwork myself to the point of exhaustion like  _ you _ , do I?”

“Well, no…yer don't. Fortunately. Passing out in the middle o'  work and waking up to an Express Owl in yer face is  _ embarrassing. _ ” His voice slowly got louder and louder. He was returning back to his original self, the loud and pushy side of the owl, the only side Grooves knew, but that didn't mean he was okay. 

“I'd imagine so, darling…” Grooves’ voice trailed off, and silence invaded the air yet again.

Strange thoughts filled each other’s minds. The two were now looking into the parking lot. There was nothing extraordinary to look at; it was just directly in front of them, so that's where their eyes decided to stay. 

…

“What about the other thing? You said two things worried you. Yer only mentioned one.”

Of course, the secretly broken owl’s voice cracked and it went almost silent again.

Grooves sighed, almost as if he didn't want to talk about what was on his mind, what he had been so scared about for a long while.

“I…don't know how to explain it. But…remember Train Rush…?”

_ Shit. _

The colour on Conductor’s face drained almost instantly, and he grew tense.

He didn't like talking about this. 

He  _ hated  _ talking about this. 

_ Loathed _ the topic, even. 

He knew what he did on the set was  _ terrible  _ and could have gotten so many innocent owls and the hatted lass in so much trouble.

But…

“Y-yeah,” His voice was barely even a whisper now. “I remember.”

“Ever since then I've been… _ scared, terrified  _ of you trying to hurt yourself or anyone else again. And right now I'm…getting strange vibes from you. Like you're...about to try and do something. And I'm scared.” Grooves looked at the Conductor, noticing his suddenly pale complexion. 

The owl looked as if he was about to burst into tears at the very moment; but  _ he had to hold it together.  _

_ He couldn't let anyone know this was going to happen. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.  _

“I know,” The broken owl’s voice wavered; he knew he was going to cry, so he couldn't say much at all. Thankfully, though, Grooves couldn't see his eyes; so he didn't know he was tearing up. 

“…Darling, can you just promise me one thing?”

_ No. Not really. _

“Yes.” Conductor nodded and looked at Grooves, who had a stern yet worried expression on his face, like the stern serious act could fade in a matter of moments. 

“Can you promise me you're not going to do anything to yourself? You're not going to try that ever again…? Look, I know I'm your ‘rival’ but I care about you. So much. I don't want anything to happen to you. Promise me you won't do anything?”

  
  


_ I can't promise you that. I can't promise anything. I can’t— _

“I promise.” A faint smile appeared on Conductor’s face so his lie seemed believable.

_  
GAHHH! _

_ STUPID ASSHOLE! _

“Good.” Seeing the owl’s smile, Grooves smiled too, and he looked back up at the stars. 

Conductor looked back at the parking lot, vision blurring and clearing, blurring and clearing. 

Everything was blurry. Probably because of the tears clouding his sight and threatening to stream down his face.

If one tear does so much as  _ trickle down his cheek _ he would go insane. 

He  _ couldn't cry.  _ He wasn't going to, although the lump in his throat and the sudden pain in his head from holding back tears told him he should. 

It was all overpowering, and he swore if he said  _ one more word _ he would've bursted into tears right then and there. 

He couldn't promise anything. He promised Grooves he wasn't going to do something he very obviously was going to do, and wasn't going to stop. 

If there was one thing Conductor loathed doing, it would be breaking promises. 

But he had to. 

_ He. _

_ Had. _

_ To.  _

…

Grooves eventually noticed what was going on, his attention being caught by shaky, hitched breaths. 

He looked back down at the Conductor and could  _ feel  _ that something was wrong. He didn't see it in the owl’s face; but he  _ knew  _ something was going wrong. 

All he thought he could do was bring him even closer, tightening the half-hug. 

So, that's what he did. 

The hug was inevitably tightened and Conductor leaned into the touch more. He seemed comfortable with what was happening now, despite his overpowering emotions that the moon penguin couldn't see; and that made him feel rather relieved; he didn't want to stop hugging this owl.

  
  


  
  


Sooner or later, Conductor seemed to calm down. 

The duo had exchanged no words since the promise. They were just sitting there in silence. It was rather soothing to the both of them, actually; with all the hustle and bustle of working in a movie studio, they never usually got silence whilst at work; so to finally get that moment of it, beside  _ each other _ , was incredibly relaxing to the both of them. 

Conductor could swear he was going to fall asleep, too. He felt drowsy and his eyes were dangerously close to closing up, and every time he tried to speak it came out sounding like a drunken mumble. 

He silently looked over at Grooves, and from what he could see he  _ swore  _ that the moon penguin had fallen asleep. Everything had turned deathly silent, after all, and if he was awake, he would've made the effort to spark up a conversation. 

He was asleep, surely. 

  
  


_ Now or never. Literally.  _

“I love you,” Conductor muttered, as quietly as he could so what he said was audible only to himself. He snuggled in closer to the half-hug, a faint smile on his face.  _ Finally, he actually let that out. A secret he thought he was going to carry to the grave with him.  _

“What?” 

Grooves wasn’t asleep, actually, and he sounded  _ concerned.  _

_ Oh my god. _

_ Oh my god.  _

_ Oh, _

_ You… _

_ Wow.  _

_  
WOW! _

Conductor’s eyes widened and he snapped right out of his tired, groggy state. He sat up now,  _ tense.  _

Grooves looked at him, and he looked at Grooves back, and an emotion the owl couldn't recognise showed itself in the moon penguin's eyes. 

“Are you…drunk again, darling?” The moon penguin’s voice trailed off as he spoke, and he could barely hide the sudden rosy glow in his cheeks. 

Conductor only shook his head, still tense. 

Grooves started to smile, but the smile wasn't a glad one as far as Conductor knew; it seemed shocked, to him. 

“You…huh?” 

_ Holy shit, Connor.  _

_ You pecked up.  _

_ Big time.  _

_ Good luck trying to hide that blush on your cheeks. _

_ Wait, what blush? _

_ Oh.  
_

Conductor had noticed that he was, indeed, blushing, too. 

But he had to calm down.  _ Explain.  _

He sighed. 

“I…uh…hah…I've been wanting to say that to yer for  _ ages.  _ Figured that it's…now or never, I guess. I thought you were asleep when I said that…but hey. I guess the secrets out there now, eh? It's fine if yer don't feel the same way, honest.” The rosy glow on his cheeks only intensified from the embarrassment. 

He didn't know what to do and he wished he could just kill himself  _ now.  _

_ What have you done? _

_ You swore you were going to take this to the GRAVE. YOU WERE GOING TO DIE WITH THIS SHIT.  _

_ WOW. _

He ended up burying his head in his hands from pure embarrassment. 

Grooves’ eyes widened, and he scrambled for a response. 

“N-no, wait, darling— I just wasn’t expecting  _ you  _ to make the first move…I'm shocked. That's all. But you said you weren't drunk…in that case, I love you too. I have for a while.”

Reluctantly, Conductor took his head away from his hands. 

The tears kept tight shut inside earlier had let themselves out, and tears were streaming down; but he was making no noise. 

He didn't know what this emotion was, but he started smiling brightly and snuggled as tightly as he could into the warm embrace. Even if it was just a half, even if the duo would prefer if it was a full embrace; it was okay for the time being. 

But they didn't know what they  _ were.  _

Their bond was rather confusing to the both of them; the awkward transition between friends and lovers— they'd describe it like that. 

But nobody else at the studio, nobody  _ at all  _ could find out, right?

Nobody. 

The express owls and the fellow moon penguins would be  _ so surprised.  _

The hatted lass would be surprised, too. 

It wasn't right for two rivals to love each other as much as they say they do.

“Keep this a secret between us, yeah?”

“I'll try, darling.”

“…Thank you, Joshua.”

“For?”

“Making everything worthwhile, I guess. Making me feel like there's some good shit to look forward to sometimes.”

“Don't…know why you're thanking me but you're welcome. I love you.”

_ No, you don't. You don't love me.  _

_ You won't say that when you see me hanging from the metal beam tomorrow night, will you? _

_ Limp, and cold, and pale, and silent…unresponsive to your yelling… _

_ But I love you too. _

  
  
  
  


Time had passed. 

They didn't know how much time.

It was deathly silent now, and Grooves was left wondering what Conductor had said about ‘making everything worthwhile’…

_ He was planning something, surely, _ he thought, looking into the night, the buzzing cicadas now gone, silent. 

He couldn't process the fact that  _ Conductor said it first. He confessed first, without being drunk beforehand. And it was surreal.  _

Everything was silent.

“Conductor?” He said, quietly, expecting to hear a response; but he didn't hear anything.

Silence.

“Hey.” He was looking at the owl now. 

His head was lowered slightly, and he wasn't snuggled as tightly into the half-hug as he was earlier, and the former rosy glow on his cheeks gone.

Grooves smirked, and stifled a laugh. 

Conductor had fallen asleep. 

He was glad he could say that; the owl hadn't been getting enough sleep recently, and only really lived off naps during work time.

Though Grooves knew it was rather early into the night, the clock striking 10 only a couple of minutes ago, and although he wished he could talk to Conductor more; getting enough sleep was healthier than talking to someone, even if you loved them dearly. 

He was glad Conductor ended up falling asleep.

He sighed, maneuvering himself to a position where he could pick up the owl easily. 

  
  


“Come on,” He muttered, a faint smile on his face.

  
  


“Let's get you home.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
